Hi {{first_name}}

A senior leader I coached was universally described as approachable, supportive, and kind. His door was always open. He listened to everyone. He never raised his voice or created confrontation.

His strongest contributors kept leaving.

When we started working together, he was confused by this. He treated everyone well. He accommodated requests. He stretched himself to keep his colleagues happy. Why were the best ones walking away?

The answer became clear when I asked him a simple question: "When was the last time you gave a direct report genuinely tough feedback?"

He paused. Then admitted he couldn't remember.

His People-Pleaser Mask, driven by a fear of rejection, had convinced him that honest feedback would damage relationships. So he softened everything. Performance issues went unaddressed. Mediocre work received the same response as excellent work. Difficult conversations got postponed indefinitely.

His high performers noticed. They were delivering strong results but receiving no more recognition or challenge than colleagues who were coasting. The environment felt comfortable but stagnant. They wanted to grow, and nothing in his approach was stretching them.

The shift started small. He identified one conversation he'd been avoiding, a discussion with someone who had been under-delivering for months. We prepared for it together. He practised being clear without being unkind. Direct without being harsh.

The conversation went better than his Mask had predicted. The colleague appreciated the honesty. They adjusted their approach. And for the first time in months, he felt like a leader rather than a mediator.

He told me afterwards: "I thought being liked was the same as being respected. It isn't."

That distinction, between being liked and being trusted, is where the People-Pleaser Mask loses its grip.

If anything from these newsletters has stayed with you, I'd welcome the chance to talk.


Enjoy the weekend,
Gavin

Monday: the thread that connects all six Masks we've explored.